Today is my birthday, which isn't something I'm really very thrilled about. I had a nice day at Camp Greenhill with our Girl Scouts, working on their American Patriotism patch, which was a lot more interesting and cool than it may sound. I started out a little bummed that I would get no real rest this weekend when I am super-tired, but I ended up very glad to be back at the camp, where I haven't really spent any time since the Lone Star Baby came along. All the millions of unremembered ants near my now ant bite-allergic child gave me a pretty major internal freak-out, but all went well and the day was very nice. I love Girl Scout camp.
I am so bleh, though, about my waning childbearing years and the fact that the third little daughter who I have seen so clearly for years - Juniper Elizabeth - and her twin who I see less clearly, through a haze but definitely there (maybe a Briar Ruby) - will probably just have to remain unrealized. It is hard for me to think of no more pregnancies, no more births, no more babies...I don't like it. I'm not ready. I never got the chance to savor it. I will probably never get that chance.
4 comments:
Well, happy belated birthday anyway. And by happy, I don't mean "rah rah joyful," but mazel tov. I didn't know about the children you've seen through the haze, but I can empathize. I will probably never have another baby, but sometimes I think of Caedmon Ezra Donovan and realize I'll probably never meet him. It's bittersweet, because I love how our family is now, but I can't help but wonder about that road not taken.
Exactly. Thanks.
Happy Birthday...funny thing about having babies; you never stop wanting to have more babies.
Blessing to you on your birthday. I am happy you're in the world. I understand about the babies not had.
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