My Man Maslow

It is somewhat fashionable, it seems, in certain youth-serving social services and education circles, to knock the behavior of the parents of said youth. Everyone loves the kids they work with, but many teachers and social workers and other human services professionals seem to find it acceptable to bemoan the sins of the parents of those children - their lack of involvement, lack of supervision, etc. When I was a young social worker, I was just the same, making judgements and shaking my head. It did not take me long, however, to grow up and see that we were facing problems of systems, not parents. The parents of troubled youth are generally victims of the same inadequate social support systems that leave so many of the children we love hanging. From growing up hungry in insecure and transient housing, to the sorts of educational experiences that leads to, to the lack of secure jobs with benefits and flexibility to deal with family concerns, to punitive systems rather than true supports for struggling families....poor parents fight an uphill battle everyday and they need systemic change and support, not judgement and advice and parenting classes.

Abraham Maslow developed the famous Hierarchy of Human Needs theory, which postulates that people must have certain needs met before they can worry about other sorts of needs. When survival needs are met, people start working on the next type of needs. Always, but never until the more urgent needs are met.

I've heard a lot of people say that they wish the parents in these scenarios cared. They care. They may be hard to reach for conferences on grades and behavior, but when you won't let their kid wear his jacket when it's cold because of dress code, they call. When the weather gets scary, they show up to get their kids out of there. They care. They are busy making sure that their kids survive, living with the very real specter that some of them won't.

Until we, as a society, ensure that those survival needs are met, we need to get off our high horses about the rest.