Saturday, December 15, 2007

Guilt-Ridden Questions of Independence and Care

The Lone Star Girl's school called me late in my school day on Thursday to inform me that she was ill... no fever, just coughing a bunch and miserable... what her dad and sister had, it seemed.  I talked to her and guiltily determined that she could ride out the rest of the school day.  It was clear that night that she shouldn't return on Friday, though.  Still no fever or any such cut-and-dried symptom, but the Lone Star Girl has, in the last year or so, decided that she cannot afford to miss school.  She will generally try to convince us that she is well enough to go even if she is very much not so.  When she said she needed to stay home, I could trust that she did.

I had something Important to do at school on Friday, so it fell to Lone Star Pa to miss work and stay home with her which wasn't really fair because it wasn't his turn and which he wasn't really pleased about.  He thought she was old enough to stay home sick alone for the whole day. So did she.  Me not so much.  I could see the sense of it, but... she was sick... and all day?  I just didn't feel comfortable with that.  He stayed home with her and she feels much better today, though she sounds yucky still.

I am thinking about future such scenarios.  I am thinking of how much less understanding bosses are going to be of such things with a pre-teen/teen.  I have therefore been taking a poll on whether twelve is old enough to stay home sick with a seemingly minor ailment all day.  I am not counting the Lone Star Girl's vote in this poll, although I am taking it into consideration in my deliberations.  Including my vote, Lone Star Pa's vote, the vote of a teacher at my school with a child not much older and the vote of the Lone Star Girl's Girl Scout Leader... the issue is tied.  And I may change my vote.  What do you think?


6 comments:

Triana said...

I think it depends on the child as to what age is appropriate. I unfortunately was staying home alone certainly by 12, but we didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Some of my friends I would know could be trusted/handle it at that age, others shouldn't be left alone even now over 30. Sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders and isn't just cutting class. And really, a day alone from time to time...well it does wonders for my soul. :) But I need "alone time".

Lone Star Ma said...

Thanks for coming by! I've missed you!

The Lone Star Girl, although very smart, is not very mature or responsible for her age in my opinion, but she has handled her mornings and afternoons before and after school alone just fine this year, so shes doing well. She has no desire to do anything I would consider wrong at home, except eat too much junk and watch too much TV and she doesn't eat much when she's sick. I don't know.

Anonymous said...

What does the law say in your town/state? In NY, it's technically illegal to leave a kid under 14 alone in the house.

I would go with your instinct, but if you feel that she's still too young to spend the whole day alone, you could always point to whatever the law is and say, wide-eyed, "But, that's illegal!"

phoenixrising from mamaphonic (whose kid is far from a preteen and whose job is far from strict and doesn't have to worry yet)

Lone Star Ma said...

Hey, Phoenix! I am thrilled at your recent presence on the blog, mama! Texas law stipulates no age, except where leaving kids alone in the car is concerned (not before nine, for more than 5 minutes). Looking back at how much I happily babysat other kids at her age, and how I'm not comfortable letting her do so even though I know kids her age make better sitters than older ones, I expect it is my natural state to never-feel-ready. Still undecided.

Saints and Spinners said...

By the time I was 12, my mom was leaving me home alone when I was sick, but then, she had little choice, and I was also babysitting my younger brothers (and other children) when I was 12. Would you hire a 12 year old babysitter these days? I wouldn't!

I had a high rate of absenteeism once I started junior high. By the time high school rolled around, I was missing at least one day a week. But then, that was another issue altogether.

Lone Star Ma said...

I was a wonderful 12-year-od babysitter and by the time we were all 16, we sucked more as babysitters, so I expect 12-year-olds are better. They find it more interesting and more remunerative than do the older teens. I have a hard time with the idea now but I think that's because I'm nuts. I don't know.