Saturday, July 25, 2015

The Long Dark Teatime of The Soul

This has been an inexplicably difficult summer for me.  Little has happened that is extremely out of the ordinary, but the combination of things have weighed more heavily than they usually do somehow.   Sometimes things are like that, for no really good reason.

I have had to step up to take on additional responsibilities at work due to temporary vacancies which has meant that the fun summer stuff we might usually get to do more of has not gotten done and the less fun summer stuff like doctor and dentist appointments have been harder to handle.

I have upset the Lone Star Baby pretty terribly by insisting on keeping her in her hippy school, despite some real reservations, for the sixth grade when she wanted to go ahead and switch to Baker, the big neighborhood middle school this year. She is very young for sixth grade - just turned 11 in June and will be 11 all the school year - and the school bus will not bring her home to our house because we are two-tenths of a mile too close although walking home would mean crossing a major city artery and a neighborhood where muggers have increasingly targeted school kids in the last year.  There is no after school program there, while there is after-care at the school she is at.  The principal at the big middle school had a major nasty defensive meltdown at me when I mentioned some concerns I had because of the bullying that occurred at the school when my older daughter attended.  The timing, basically, is just not right for the switch, although there are definite pros and cons.  But I hate to disappoint the Lone Star Baby so much.

As the Lone Star Girl grows up into an adult, supporting her increasing independence while still providing guidance as needed is hard, and I worry about her whenever she is unhappy, and I get mad and hurt when I get so much push back yet still so much responsibility, even though I am terribly conscious that there is probably no more important role for me to have and that I am really glad she talks to me even when it stresses me out.

The Lone Star Girl had a mysterious health event that seems fine now.  I have mysterious dramatic coming and going hives that hopefully will be fine.  The Lone Star Baby is in the midst of dental and orthodontic work.  I need to get some significant dental work.  We still all have several doctor/dentist appointments pending, and I don't know how I'm going to fit it all in.

We got a new-to-us car so the Lone Star Girl can take her dad's old car back to college, a plan I have extremely mixed feelings about, meaning that we have two car payments now.  The summer is just generally expensive what with the dental stuff and all.

I can't find a good contractor who will continue to return calls about fixing our (only) bathroom.  We are under a boil water alert and my sink is full of dishes. A million important things have happened in Texas and the world that I would normally be blogging about, but I just haven't had the energy.  As for that, the poetry and other more creative writer energy in me is sort of dried up entirely at present and that kind of spell is never a great time for me.

Really we have a wonderful life filled with wonderful things and the majority of these little difficulties would not usually throw me much, but sometimes there comes a long dark teatime of the soul when even the mundane can send one to live in the little walk-up apartment upstairs of Whelm.  It's kind of tiring north of Whelm, and we have to be kind to ourselves when we get there.  Drink lots of (boiled) water and try take walks and get a lot of sunshine unless excessive doses of Vitamin D may be giving you horrible hives, as seems to be the case with me (maybe).  Listen to good music.  Read good books. Watch silly television.  Eat vegetables.  Let go of perfection (hopefully forever).  Like most busy mothers, I know what to do in these times.  Finding time and energy to do is always the tricky part, but find it one eventually must.

1 comment:

Andrea said...

Oh, my goodness. That all sounds very stressful. Take a deep breath. Try to find some time for yourself (call in sick!!). Make some room for poetry. Drink that boiled water (what does that even mean? Your city is sending out contaminated water??? Yikes!!). And hang in there. This too shall pass.