Saturday, September 08, 2007

Creeping Independence

The whole bus independence thing being a success for the Lone Star Girl, today we went another step.

I frequently grade papers at a large corporate monolith of a bookstore on weekends and the Lone Star Girl usually accompanies me to wander its vastness and read. Today when we went, we took a friend of hers, too, and had dinner in a restaurant across the parking lot. I had originally intended to stay at the corporate monolith myself, give the girls some money and (gasp) let them walk over and have an early dinner alone. Lone Star Pa's expression was uncomfortable when I discussed, this, though, so I went to the restaurant, too, but sat alone in the patio-seating area while the girls got to be big, independent girls alone inside at their own table. Then they wandered the bookstore while I graded stuff in the bookstore's cafe.

I am almost at the point, I think, where I would be comfortable dropping the Lone Star Girl and a friend off there for a bit in the daytime, except that I always need a place to grade anyways, my home being under the thrall of a certain demanding small person. I remember such an independent night out to dinner and a movie with a friend when I was much older than the Lone Star Girl, probably sixteen even, and what an extravagant privilege it seemed to me...I want my girl to have some fun in her life.

I have another clear memory of sending a nine-year-old Jazz into a convenience store with money to buy the slushy drink she wanted while I waited in the car with a sleeping toddler of a Lone Star Girl. I clearly remember my uncertainty as to whether nine was really old enough to let her go in alone with me in the car and thinking that I was about nine when my mom started sending me into stores while she waited in the car with sleeping babes. I was unsure, though, and relieved when my sister returned calmly.

Deciding on when the right time is for various small freedoms is no easy or clear-cut task. I continually stress to the Lone Star Girl that she must demonstrate more responsibility to gain more independence, but our perceptions of these things are often different. I almost always feel she should show more responsibility than she does show and she always feels that my constraints are unjust. Creepingly, though, we make our way. One day I will look up, and she will be out on her own, and it will still seem like yesterday that she was a petal-soft baby...

2 comments:

Saints and Spinners said...

A couple of days ago, I walked with Lucia to a place called "My Favorite Coffee Shop." It has a play area for the children, comfortable chairs for the grownups, and cup holders out of the reach of babies and toddlers. While I sometimes privately refer to it as "My Favorite Germ Magnet" (due to all of the toys available and no official hand-washing rules), I take Lucia there because she enjoys it and I get to read. Anyway...

As we were walking to the coffee-shop, Lucia said, "I want to go to the coffeeshop by myself." I assured her someday that she would be able to do just that, but not until she was much older. Um, that "much older" is going to come sooner than I think.

Gahh!

I agree with you about showing more responsibility to gain more independence, but I also think the reverse (inverse?) is true: when children are given just a little bit more independence than they are used to, they can rise to the occasion magnificently. Either that, or they throw a party in your house while you're away for the weekend.

Lone Star Ma said...

That is certainly true to an extent (as evidenced by my needless worries about the bus) but I must confess to being usually disappointed in the gap between what I see and expect to see in the responsibility department - mostly the perennial complaint of one generation about the next, I suppose. I am so old. I will definitely not be leaving for any weekends(: